After a fantastic meeting with my warrior brothes this week, I was enlightened by some wisdom regarding how we desire things from each other in inter-personal relationships...I was asking what I thought to be a good question, IE, "what does respect look like for you" when I was shown that this kind of question forces a kind of "template" upon the way that one desires love, respect, admiration, etc.
Now, growing up in the shadow of Gary Chapman's "The 5 Love Languages", these kinds of questions seem legitimate, considering that I do buy into humanity all being wired in a unique way by a Creative Designer. Thus, it would make sense that we all love and want to be loved in different ways. But what if this view is incomplete? The idea of templates would seem to point that direction...Asking a question of oneself, "what does being loved" look like for me places an expectation and standard upon all those who try to love me, and thus I don't receive the love they have to offer. Though it seems like I am getting in touch with how I'm wired, it also allows me to get into my selfishness and expect others to love me on my terms. Am I saying that there should not be boundaries? Not in the least. But what I am saying is that by expecting others to come to me on my terms, through love, respect, admiration, etc, I am missing out on the blessing I could be receiving from them.
Food for thought.